There’s periodic breaks where the kids who reached puberty first are allowed to hunt you for sport.

You have to master the art of the toss. Push the lever hard and then catch it while its in the air.

Most toasters you can lift the pushy-downy-handle up a bit more than it rests at to lift the toast out.

My big problem is that (in the UK at least, don’t know about other nations) the standard sized bread doesn’t fit fully in a toaster, so the top ~3cm is still bread.

4. Go collect the agreed payment for your lumberjack service.

Next episode, Nancy isnt allowed to paint a fence.

But seriously now. Like today.

I’ve been saying “ill get to it tomorrow, next week, next payday etc” since I was 17. Im pushing 40 now.

Double it and give it to the next guy

Some Pommy shit there mate

Look, Gino, I don’t give a shit what your nonna would say about this. My gran had shit to say about gay marriage. You’re not supposed to take them seriously.

comic strip.

posted in c/funny

big divisive arguments in the thread

I’m getting tired. Like in my soul.

I thought for sure it wqs going to be lemmywinks

Hell yes thank you this is exactly the sort of stuff I was after!

An entire nation has a racist grandad at every dinner

Do you really not or are you just wasting time forcing people to unnecessarily type out “citizen of the United States of America” instead of the globally accepted “Americans”?

And thats why cornflakes are better than cheerios.

• overheard in the playground around 30 years ago and remains unexplained to this day. The kid would not repeat the joke for me. It remains the object of largest difference between importance and intrigue in my head.

I’m always impressed by womens ability to stash shit in their bra. How does it not affect the size or clothes lines in any way whatsoever?

I once saw one pull a big can of deodorant out of there. Not a little travel size, about a foot long. Also a medium purse and a smartphone. That was about 10 years ago and my melon is still twisted.

Some video game inventory logic man.

Feels like in universe this is a known thing, and she was running through the street deliberately, to the classic soundtrack

I’m kinda hoping that we’ve figured out how to hack the time dilation effect in the brain, coupled with realistic deep dive VR, and when I die I’ll wake up somewhere and see my wife still plugged into the game. I’ll get the kettle on, make us a sandwich or a nutritious protein goo, and wait for her to die too so we can decide what scenario to live through next.

My biggest fear about reincarnation is that I’ll eventually have sex with a spider.

I dont need details to intensify that fear.

They will if they dont render our planet ubinhabitable beforehand.