(Portland, OR) Last Thursday the Portland City Counsel voted 9-0 to move forward with the city’s budget - one key measure in the budget commits funds to replace thousands of homeless residents with AI, some as early as this December. Dubbed the “Digital Outdoorsman” initiative, the measure commits funds to replace a majority of the homeless in the city with a custom Artificial Intelligence. City leaders say the need to digitize the homeless is urgent.

“We have people living in boxes, screaming at residents, and defecating in alleys,” said Mayor Keith Wilson. “Last year, 50 un-housed residents were injured or killed in altercations with the police. We believe AI systems could do all of this more efficiently, and save the city a lot of money.”

The budget calls for temporarily replacing street residents with computer systems equipped with speakers and a rolling chassis to chase people or paper bags short distances, gradually replacing the street populace over the next two years. At that point, “most if not all” units will transition to Chinese human-like robots by 2030, and then a task force formed to address the homeless robot problem in the city by 2032.

Some residents are concerned about being replaced. Leo Sturbgetter, an unemployed cow detangler who lives behind Powell’s Books, said, “I been like a prince in the Bahamas, I done worked every state. I been to that Bahrain. I can’t just be done to a robot. I gotta move and think, not a robot.”

But Leon Stubgrabber, his soon-to-be digital replacement, has a different take. “I can ask the cantalope,” he said. “I’m a rum bottle shaking like a leaf… you can’t just date a coyote, you gotta pin his ears first. Amen.”

Soon Portland residents will evaluate the difference, as the next generation of blight takes hold.