I’ma get the garden hose.

Kick a flaming baby Jesus plastic nativity figure at them from my neighbor’s house as I try to steal their kid’s gift for my own child.

Ill show them my “figgy pudding” and let them lick it right from the “bowl”

As I haven’t got a ha’penny, I hope they will ask god to bless me.

I don’t negotiate with carolers, trick or treaters, or encyclopedia salesmen.

Aim my death star at their home planet and destroy it and after that serve the cold fight pudding

Oh, they’ll get something.

Probably half a brick from an upstairs window.

a cartoonish cooking montage where i stir three bowls at once using both of my hands and one foot

Bring them some figgy pudding.

If it’s past 9 p.m., they’ll get their figgy pud’ served at high velocity to their pie-hole.
Direct Currant, that.