I was on the phone with my ex about an hour ago. First, the good news: her grandson fully recovered from Covid; she had to get off the phone to get him to a birthday party.

Now. The 4-year-old is fine, but …

We veered into territory that even a few months ago would have lit a fuse. It wasn’t “oh, I miss you so much” or anything like that, but we were talking about our sleep patterns, and I mentioned that I’ve only slept well in the past year while next to her in my couple of visits.

I fully expected “well, yeah, don’t get used to that,” and instead got “those are also the best nights of sleep I’ve gotten in a while.”

I’ve not done much research into somatic connection, mostly because when you have it, no research is needed, and when you don’t … well, why bother?

I’ve heard vaguely about how bonded partners start regulating each others’ systems. Breathing, cortisol, heart rate, that sort of thing. The body becomes reliant on the partner because it can’t act on its own efficiently anymore.

This appears to be what’s happening here.

And yet … she says it’s unsettled sleep, because she’s not used to having anyone else in bed anymore.

I have no idea what to make of this, as it seems to simultaneously suggest comfort and aversion.