I said it was because the mammals were better at hiding and all the dinosaurs ate each other

Have you tested using controls to find out if your life was improved by the pizza vs the bagel?

I highly doubt an AI agent that’s ready to suggest nuking everyone

That Nazi CEO swore up and down that we could inhabit Mars if we just nuked the crap out of it. AI doesn’t have the ability to come up with these kinds of statements on its own, which means that it was fed content with people already identifying nukes as a solution to anything.

The nuking issue is less of an off-the-rails Matrix kinda situation, and more of a “I learned it by watching our CEOs!”

-the barista staring blankly at me in hopes that I’ll just answer how much mocha syrup I wanted-

To point 5: there are companies that sell electric crate motors, pre-configured to couple with your transmission’s bell housing. Hell, some of these companies sell the entire conversation kit, or will do the entire conversation for you. These conversions give you a completely offline electric car that keeps an older car from going to a junkyard, and reduces the materials needed for an updated car on the road. Also, if someone is concerned that a new electric car has the same carbon footprint as an internal combustion vehicle, recycled and reclaimed batteries are an incredible option.

If you’re going to do one of these conversions on a standard transmission car, you’ll probably want to pay some professionals anyway to tune it so that you don’t shred your clutch when you shift. I almost did this with my old '95 Explorer, but it had some suspension issues that I wasn’t willing to tackle at the same time. Plus, my neighbor told me that one of his friends had their car destroyed in a flood, but talked about how they always wanted a classic Explorer in exactly my color, so I gave it to her.

Is there a barista here? Cuz this roast just got dark!

Nah, already got banned from life. Try banning from death, let’s see what fresh new horror we raise.

Me: Choking on a bone

My dinner guests: stunned after I bit into the whole Thanksgiving turkey and slammed my face into the table

Doc, you can’t just put cocaine in the frunk of a CyberTruck and call it a DeLorean!

Learn women’s perspectives

Please don’t eat the hooved puppy

Teacup. He’ll arrest you with his teacup.

And a projector!

Cry-laughing in Tank 4 Pro

Hangars sitting dripped in oil, crying, “FREEEEDOOOOOOM”

Your pun makes me Furya(s)

Met my now-wife on Omegle, and my dogs at the shelter. Which is just Omegle for dogs.

Shut up, they don’t even need to say “please” for you to start sharing. Last night, your grandmother asked you to pass the salt, and you instead explained to her why a Pokeball is technically international waters, therefore removing all questions of legality in your stories. She still hasn’t stopped crying!

Do you like watching gladiator movies, Joey?

My dream is to taste lightning.

Should have checked out Benjamin Franklin’s dinner parties when you had a chance.