Maybe ask your boss for help, they might be able to provide you with some stimulating materials or even provide a helping hand. It might feel a little strange but look at it from your boss’s perspective. If you spend your time masturbating in the office bathroom then there’s no reason for you to go home, so naturally your productivity will increase.

There’s a lot of overlap between archeologists and babies.

This is why you make your dog costume out of kevlar

Best bet would be to disguise yourself as a dog and start humping their legs

If you fire them at an ikea bookcase it’ll disassemble in seconds

I want gender reassignment surgery for everyone in MAGA, they’re way too sure of themselves.

I knew a guy who got his scholarship revoked for catching and cooking a duck.

The wolves can smell the chemo, it’s like marinade for them.

You’re such a hipster, I just call it being alive

It’s like I’m back on quakenet!

I just blow my load in my jeans, if you let it build up then it has the same effect as starch. Keeps them nice and crisp.

To cull the weak.

The thing about capitalism is that it swallows up and commodifies any ideology that tries to fight it. If you don’t believe me, go buy a book on communism and enroll at your local university to meet like-minded people and learn more.

That’s a very un-American solution. I think it would be much better to sell fire arms to eagles so they become aware of the problem and they can effectively hunt fresh prey and thereby circumvent the entire issue.

Just because someone subscribes to a fascist ideology and chooses to put you and your family into a concentration camp doesn’t make them a nazi. And before you raise your voice; I’d like to remind you that calling other people names is hurtful, unless you’re speaking truth to power like me. So shut up, I know what’s best for your kind.

If we want a brighter future, then we all have to make sacrifices. For me that means that I have to sacrifice my ability to think critically and reflect on my own actions, and for you it means that you have to sacrifice your life. Now please stop crying and get into the mass grave. Thank you, now apologize for calling me a nazi.

Thank you, I accept your apology.

gunshot

That’s way too complicated, I just duct tape a cat below the business end of my shotgun when I go hunting.