For someone who is too far gone to be kind, staying away from other people is a great kindness.
If you see a nail on the road, pick it up
Offer blowjobs without asking anything in return.
‘A blowjob given freely calms even the wrathful heart’ - Psalms 89
Give genuine compliments to random people every time you can.
Say “hi” with a smile, to people you pass by, even if it’s fake. The end results are the same to the recipients.
Consider the culture around, though. That would be seen as intrusive behavior in Finland, in many contexts.
Paying anybody a small compliment is free.
unless it’s at work and they contact HR for harassment.
my work has specific guidelines on what compliments are permissible in the workplace.
I suppose, for an example, that one should think twice before complimenting a female co-worker on her breasts.
you can compliment her on her revealing dress though!
Be kind to service workers.
Patience, thank yous, and trying to understand how to make their job easier (e.g. not waiting to look at the fast food menu until you’re at the front).
Short, low stakes practice.
Also if they are struggling to figure out something(scanner not working, getting weird error due to network connection issues, trying to find an obscure option you requested etc) be quiet and let them work. Don’t try to make small talk, let them concentrate on what they are doing.
And if they apologize, respond politely, and tell it is alright. You can wait for a bit.
Be gentle with yourself. For example if you make an error, withhold calling yourself stupid, or think it. Reassure yourself that errors happen, and learn from it.
This is so hard. I am doing all the other stuff regularly but this one will always be my nemesis.
It’s like a muscle, it gets better with practice.
I have underlying issues that force me to sacrifice my mental health just to survive, and thus I lack the safety margin to be gentle to myself.
I wanna get to a point where I can practice kindness on myself but I am not in a position where I can do so at this point.
I’ve been there before, I totally understand. Stay safe.
One time I called myself stupid in front of a friend who without missing a beat said “don’t say that about my friend!” in a super offended voice and I think about that all the time.
Man, that is a FANTASTIC response to someone saying something bad about themselves! I’m going to use that one if I can. Your friend is inspiring!
That friend sounds cool.
Mindfulness. Note your behaviors. Note what leads to your behaviors. It’ll give you insight into what in your life and in your mind leads to “kind” actions as well as what leads to “unkind” actions, which is a huge part of the effort to become more kind.
I wouldn’t call it mindfulness because that has a weird spiritual undertone but I fully agree.
I specifically wanna highlight that the most important actions of kindness are small things and whenever you remember to be kind you will automatically respond that way, because it will be your modus operandi in social interactions. It sounds cliche but the truth is if you prioritize it, it sticks in your mind and often those tiny interactions reflect what is important to you.
That said of course this is not a substitute for taking the effort too. Sometimes it’s annoying to say an extra phrase of kindness but it’s important.
Ask questions and don’t assume you somehow know a person or their life better than they do. Nothing more annoying than a person attempting to “help” but ends up coming across as a condescending dismissive asshole.
Have you tried essential oils?
Take extra time to consider other peoples’ perspectives or take notice if they’re acting different than usual. You might be able to make them smile when they need it, or understand their frustration a little better or even find a way to help them without them having to ask. Some people want help but don’t know how to express it, so paying some extra attention can let you figure it out without making it seem like they’re being needy or whatever.
When you go through a self-closing door and someone is just a few steps behind you, keep it open.
and what do you do when you do this and they call you an asshole or scowl at you?
I’ve never experienced that. Either the people are thankful or do not react at all.
Be careful where you do this. If you have to scan a badge to enter someplace like your office DO NOT DO THIS!
Context is important. That is for sure.
A few years ago we had an situation at an old office of mine. Someone held the door for a person who wasn’t an employee(the employee was trying to nice and assumed the other person worked there, with like 900 people in the building you can’t know everyone). Women commonly left there purses at their desk and some men left their wallets. This other guy walked around the cubicles while everyone was getting coffee/tea/water before starting and just grabbed all the purses and wallets. He stole from like 30 people, walked out a back door and was never found.
Leave a solid 1.5 to 2 car lengths between you and the vehicle in front of you while on the highway. When someone wants to merge into that space, let them and recreate the separation. It’s a kindness not just to those who merge into the space, but to all drivers as it makes travel for everyone safer and lower stress.
it should be 1 car length per 10mph of speed. 2 car lengths isn’t enough at highway speeds, it should be several, because as speeds increase your reaction time shortens and so does the force of impact
I was taught the 3 second rule. If you drive 3 seconds behind, the space will adjust to the speed.
I was taught 2 seconds, interesting number to track.
quick google search for 3 second rule driving:
You’re not wrong and good luck getting anyone to do that. Can you imagine how much easier/nicer/more efficent travel would be if people would do this?
I know. and sometimes… my passengers tell me off for ‘being a pussy’ for following it… because they are such shitty backseat drivers.
like some people legit think tailgating is how you should drive… at all times and all speeds. same idiots who have massive accident rates and blame other drivers for ‘being in the way’.
Uh, 2 car lenghts on the highway? Isn’t that… Incredibly small? Am I missing something here?
1.5 to 2 car lengths
on the highway.
You call that leaving a gap? Going that close would be regarded as severe aggression on our Autobahn. Even punishable in many cases.
Sadly, it’s extremely common practice for folks to leave far less than even 1 car length even traveling at 60 or 70 mph. :(
I see now why it is that easy for the so-called self driving cars to produce (seemingly) good statistics.
Leaving gaps also prevents having to slow down or stop as often and reduces traffic congestion overall.
Look people into the eyes and smile a little whenever you talk to them. Everytime. After a while, learn to smile bigger. Then learn to actually smile while talking.
If you do this, please keep an eye on how that individual person is reacting. Some people will love this and think you’re a wonderful, friendly person. Other people will be made incredibly uncomfortable. Both are valid responses.
I am personally in the latter camp. I’m autistic, I find eye contact difficult. If you’re being quite insistent about it, I will find it aggressive. As for the smiling, I am immediately distrustful of anyone giving me a giant smile while talking to me for the first time. A little smile is normal, but if you have a massive grin without any observable cause, my assumption is that you are trying to corner me into something. Maybe I’m just too cynical or damaged in some way, but this just sets off my alarm bells.
No, that’s creepy/weird as fuck.
Smile when you genuinely feel something. Don’t be fake and try to manipulate people.
Also, you must be American? Only Americans have this weird obsession with smiling constantly and thinking that if you aren’t smiling you’re an asshole.
All your assumptions are wrong. Should I say something about your IQ now? /s
I didn’t assume, I asked.
are you sure I’m the one with the IQ issue if you think a question is an assumption.
Daily metta practice can be helpful.
