Would you ever straight up say to your son, ‘You are a disappointment’?
I wouldn’t say that to anybody.
I’d like to believe I wouldn’t, but I’m a flawed man, and going crazy with my words is one of my big ones. Hopefully, God willing, I won’t. I have become a much more considerate and softer person thanks to my wife, maybe that’ll be enough.
No, because I don’t want to find out what a true disappointment is
No, unless they became a pedophile, serial killer, rapist or something extreme like that
wouldnt that be the fault of the parent for not monitoring the upbring of thier children.
Or an influencer.
Being a pedophile isn’t a choice, it’s a psychological dysfunction. Acting on that impulse is a crime and something to be punished - or treated in a medical facility.
Thank you for saying that. I have worked with MAPs (minor attracted people), and majority of them do not want to offend, and understand they can never act on their desires. They were actively seeking treatment and felt suicidal because of their attraction.
Also I learned that about half (?) of sexual acts on minors aren’t even done by people with pedophilia but because the victims seemed to be vulnerable - so less likely to fight back or tell someone.
I am not sure about the actual numbers, but what you describe absolutely happens, more often than people realize. These fucks go after vulnerable people.
I dont care. If my hypothetical son that will never be born turns into a pedophile and has sex with children, then i will call them a dissapointment.
I wouldn’t call any child, as a human, a disappointment, but I believe there are some rare occasions where their actions should be framed as disappointing.
Label the action disappointing, explain the reasoning that led to that conclusion, and explain how it could affect the future for both the parents and the child. Communication is key, and also try to leave some room for the child to grow. The less often you call something disappointing, the more powerful it can be, and can be used as a way to seriously correct behavior.
Fuck no
His behavior yes. He lack of behavior yes. Never him.
Variation on the theme: would you ever tell your child “You weren’t worth it.”
OP assuming you are asking for a reason, my view after some time is that when a parent make a statement like that it reflects more about the parent than the child.
Yesterday I said to my son “I’m disappointed in you for not catching that fish” (he came so close to catching his target prize fish but it got away).
I felt pretty bad and didn’t mean it one bit, I just said it the wrong way around because i was exhausted. Then I spent the next five minutes explaining that I’m absolutely not disappointed in him and that he is an awesome fisherman and that what i really meant to say was that I was disappointed FOR him that he didn’t catch the fish that he had been trying so hard to catch for months.
Only if my son is Mr. Frog.
Bruh I’m an Asian son and I’ve been on the receiving end of these words 💀
Edit: To answer the question. No wtf I’m never gonna say these type of things to my children (if I ever have children)
No.
I might, if what they did were severe enough, express that what they did is disappointing. But that’s different from branding them with the iron of disappointment-as-identity. Everyone does stuff sometimes that is worse than they aspire to be. The trick is coming back from it, learning and growing and changing.
I remember how it felt the day I asked my mom, after she had screamed at me and hit me a bunch for stuff she made up about me, “what did I ever do to you to make you hate me this much?”, and she screamed back “YOU WERE BORN!” And I believed she meant it, because none of this was out of character.
I was 12.
No kid should ever feel the hopelessness and abandonment I felt in that moment.
I’m sorry that happened to you.
Thanks. It wasn’t the worst thing she did, but it was particularly crystallizing.
I’ve done a lot of work on healing from it since. I’ve got a kid now, and it’s been healing to live every day in a way that shows that you totally can just love your kid and not have to treat them like that.
This is some really heavy parenting. I hope I’d never have to, but if it was warranted it would be very important that it was actionable. I.e., I’m disappointed in you because you’re doing [x] and you need to do [y]. It’s my job as a parent in this situation to communicate why and how to do better.
Hell no.
I would send him the following:
I’d be quick to change my ways if Mr. Incredible said that to me
Telling anyone they’re a disappointment isn’t helpful. Instead ,ask if they can do X or Y and express why you think its helpful.
