I propose a 3 State solution to the Israel / Palestine conflict.
Rather than implementing a two state solution where Israel coexists with Palestine, which we have seen they are incapable of doing, we should involve a third state. Namely, Utah.
It’s pretty simple, really and I don’t understand why no one has thought of it before.
Just move Israel to Utah. That’s it.
Why?
- The biggest issue here is that Israel would be homeless were it not for Palestinian land. This encroachment on Palestine is the reason for the bloodshed.
- It’s silly to act like there isn’t enough land for everyone when we’re not really using Utah.
- It would give the Palestinians their land back and end the bloodshed, allowing them to rebuild even bigger than before. Then maybe they could actually profit off of things like resorts and TGI Fridays
- The USA is a huge supporter of Israel and has been looking for a 51st state for some time now. Also since they’re cash rich from tarrifs and borrowing Venezuela, they could foot the bill and consider it an investment. The taxes would pay for itself in no time.
- Some believe Israel is a holy land promised to them by God. The same is true for Utah, and if you forget about the whole “who is the real Messiah” debate, they’re both talking about the same God.
- Both are kind of just shitty deserts
- Make SLC the next Tel Aviv / Silicon Valley
- The Great Salt Lake is every bit as cool as the Mediterranean and has just as rich of a history, if not more. The Miditerranean doesn’t even have Great in its name.
- Decrease terrorism in the Middle East while increasing tourism in the Southwest
- The Mormons are seriously so nice they would probably just give the Israelis their homes.
Fun facts about Mormonism no one ever talks about (not even the Jews, and Mormons themselves):
If you’re baptized Mormon, you’re are adopted into the house of Israel, thus becoming an “adopted” Jew. Organizations like the JDL are well aware of this Mormon belief, yet they don’t seem to care, or maybe they do but choose not to publicize it. For what reason?
Elohim is the name of the Mormon God, although his name is not to be uttered (oops!). The Jewish God bears the same name, amongst various other names, depending on which Rabbi’s argument is presented.
Mormons believe in the city of Zion, as the New Jerusalem, to established on the American continent before near the time of the new mellenium. It’s both a literal and figurative belief.
Related note: Utah is home to the largest NSA data center, where a lot of Mormons get hired to work there. On google maps, they changed the name “NSA Data Center” to “Utah Data Center”. Check out the Google reviews for some insight on what the locals think about that place.
Additionally:
Utah is not significant to the religion, it was just far enough away from the established US government to stop being persecuted long enough for them to drop polygamy.
The actual holy land is Missouri, which is the location of the Garden of Eden.
What is it with “chosen people” religions literally choosing the shitiest places on earth to be their “new Eden”
It’s either, desert,desert, armpit of America, etc. like, has anyone looked at like Hawaii or Cabo and went, “damn this place is nice, this is almost like it could be the garden of Eden!” No they are like. “Look! Sand and bugs! Must be heaven!”
It’s because these aren’t actually “holy” places, they’re just places where they can hide their cults while avoiding law and taxes. Abusers have more power when they can isolate their victims.
Sir, this is a shitpost community.
~though i agree with you 1000%~
It was until everyone else in Missouri got so sick of them trying to marry teenage girls they literally rallied the state militia to force the Mormons out.
Then, in a complete coincidence, god changed his mind to the spot where Brigham young got tired of a sore ass in a mule cart and said “this salty desert is better than another week to the ocean”
The actual holy land is Missouri
in fact, the merger of the two great religions has already happened there… in springfield.
cabela’s and bass pro shops.
Elohim is the name of the Mormon God, although his name is not to be uttered (oops!). The Jewish God bears the same name, amongst various other names, depending on which Rabbi’s argument is presented.
El was head of multitheist pantheon of all Levant tribes. Elohim just means El the greatest. Allah is the same reference. Abraham would name his children IsraELites. Moses, the foundation of Zionism, would later declare that there is no god above Yahweh (one of El’s minor sons charged with small Iraelite tribe affairs) with orders to go conquer all who disapprove of Moses killing them. The entire basis of monotheism is a song by King David’s (non priest) musical director where Yahweh sentences to death all of the other gods. Though the incohrence of most not believing turns into his mother Asherah to become his wife, and then stories of Yahweh’s resentment of shrines to his mother/wife.
Elohim vs Yahweh to Jews is a point of confusion, but reconciled to manufacture coherence for Jews as the same God that Christianity/Romans also adopted. Jesus’s heavenly father, and general humanist principles, suited El over Yahweh (warmongering genocide) as a descriptor. So, a problem with our religious order is taking the same chosen people Yahweist Moses, and declaring new chosen people based on victories and destruction of Israelite temples, or later manifest destiny fabrications.
Yahweh is at best an extremely impotent god. Moses/exodus claims that Yahweh lied to Abraham to pretend to be El. The only possible timeline of Noah is 6100BC, and then having any traceable lineage from Noah to Abraham can’t be that long. Moses is 1600 BC, and eventual 1010BC King David, ruled over a small shithole of Jerusalem/Judah, and paid tribute (biblical confirmation) to Philisitines that were the ones who actually drove Egypt out of Judah. So an all powerful god that predetermines all outcomes, is just a pathethic loser that led Israelites to declare their empire of shit under vassal control of Philistines, after 5000 years, to be a crown achievement of that all powerful god.
Elohim is the name of the Mormon God, although his name is not to be uttered (oops!). The Jewish God bears the same name, amongst various other names, depending on which Rabbi’s argument is presented.
If I recall correctly, the Jewish god’s name will change to Elohim once the Messiah arrives. Mormons believe that the Messiah already arrived in Missouri, so they call him Elohim, but to Jews he’s still Yahweh.
You can’t just float an actual viable solution as a shitpost.
It’s silly to act like there isn’t enough land for everyone when we’re not really using Utah.
storing mormons to unleash them at our enemies is a use
yes but mormons are stackable and don’t take up a lot of space in our inventory
don’t you know what mormons do when you stack them? you better not jostle the pile or you’ll have a bunch of new ones.
Can confirm, I thought a family neighbor had like 7 kids. She’s into double digits now
How did you miss the Great Salt Lake / Dead Sea parallels???
am idiot
I think Mormons would be so into this. Also, if Israel still wants to do some colonialism, Idaho is like, right there.
Please just let Moscow Idaho get taken by Washington then the rest of the state can burn
omg “borrowing Venezuela” 😂 You’re right if the US can borrow a country of 29 million people then helping an org a quarter that size move in should be nbd
They’ve even got Zion National Park right there! It’s like it was meant to be their land
It would be perfect for them. We have so much empty space because we already finished our genocide!
Even the most brutally militaristic occupiers and genociders should feel right at home. US does their war crimes in other countries, just like Israel
Pretty sure the Israelis would just start trying to genocide something else
Fortunately, the US is well equipped for handling more than one genocide at a time
It’s silly to act like there isn’t enough land for everyone when we’re not really using Utah.
A Utah without a people for a people without a Utah.
Thos could prove to be a final solution to the mormon problem…
Is that why Israel is trying to make Gaza look like the Salt Lakes?
Oh yeah, great idea. How are you going to stop them from “settling” in Colorado?
With the news of Utah planning to replace doctors with AI I feel Israelis and their LLM infrastructure would be more than welcome there.
Utah resident here. I fully support this idea, and Idaho is always a nearby threat in case they get too liberal. At least this way we can landlock the insane population, giving them unlimited coasts just made the Aussies more dangerous
