It’s not the amount of stuff you do. Trust me. I’m in my 40s and still beat myself up daily. I have an awesome house, partner, friends, hobbies, pretty much the whole thing. Still a loser in my mind.

You’re doing great. Now for the hard part, believing that.

It sounds to me like you already are doing plenty of things or planning to, so I’ll tell you something that was said to me by a therapist once:

It sounds like you’re looking at your self worth conditionally. You need to do X, then you’ll be Y. The thing is, that’s a journey with no end. You’ll always find something else you don’t have if you think of yourself this way.

You need to work on unconditional self worth. How can you give yourself grace on the days when you just sit around and watch YouTube videos? Are you really worthless if you never learn an instrument?

This may not vibe with you, but one technique I’ve been told is to think of your child self. Imagine this little girl or boy you used to be standing in front of you. They feel horrible because they haven’t done this or that. Would you chastise them for it? Or would you pick them up and give them a hug? They’re trying, and that’s what matters, even if they don’t get exactly where they want in the end.

So to sum it up, your self worth is conditional, and you need to find ways to treat yourself well more unconditionally. The more you can do that, the more confident you’ll feel, regardless of what else is happening in life.

Best of luck with this. I have struggled with similar things and still do sometimes. It takes work to change your thinking, and it won’t be linear gains.

Do things with people, whether it’s volunteering, a social group, whatever. Very few of us are happy without at least some social interaction, and sense of community.

Maybe for you that means to speak the languages you’re learning with other people, or join a discussion group for a topic you’re studying. But having the things you do personally anchored in a shared social reality adds a human element that studying more things and doing independent things that are academically good for you just can’t.

Sorry you’re feeling this way. Something almost everybody struggles with is comparing yourself to others. I’d think about how past you might feel about you today after health and educational goals. Nice job! You should be proud of yourself.

Next, think about what makes somebody a loser and if you were evaluating somebody else in your exact same position would you think they’re a loser? There are two pieces here:

1. If you don’t think they’re a loser, why do you think you are?
2. Who are you or anybody else to judge who is a loser?

Lastly, there is no reason why you should not be setting goals for yourself for the things that you feel you are falling behind on (e.g. learning an instrument), but ask yourself why you haven’t taken your friend up on their offer to borrow the guitar? Is it because you really don’t want to play guitar and just think it’s something non-losers do? Maybe something else or a bit of both.

A. You’re not a loser
B. Don’t compare yourself to others
C. If you want to do something, do it, and if you don’t stick with it, figure out why not.

Good luck! You’re a rockstar!

The hardest part it’s starting. You can do it but you have to do it. Nobody here will be able to help you more, I guess

I mean im a lot like you but also bad at language. Everyone I think feels at some point that what they do is nothing special and there are all sorts of things they should be doing. Personally I get kinda annoyed with what I feel is bs that the modern world sorta dumps on us. I very much enjoy just being and as I get older I more and more want to just do that. What I feel like at the moment. Unfortunately responsibilities and crap.

First of all: you’re not a loser.
I want that out of the way, because it’s an unhealthy and unproductive way of thinking.

Could you be a better version of yourself?
Yes. But so could everybody else in the entire world, and it is what the people you envy/look up to work towards every day.
The thing is that very few people are good at everything. Most are good at a few, and we humans tend to want to excell at things and compare ourselves to the people we know who are better than us.

You probably, and very normally I might add, compare yourself to Mike on guitar, John on physical form, Jessica on career and Brian on maturity, and then feel down. The problem is, that they are better at these things than you are, but not everything else.

So since you asked for it, I’ll give you my advice: Stop comparing yourself to the peak of others, and try turning it into admiration for what they have achieved. And let them know they inspire you!
Then start focusing on one thing: being at least as good as yourself yesterday/last week/last month.

You know more, are more mature, lost weight (congrats!), so you’re gaining points by just existing.
And force yourself to do stuff. Go swim again. Alone if you must. Go see a movie alone. Get comfortable in the uncomfortable.

Right now you are your worst enemy, while you should be your own biggest fan. That comes from confidence and experience in pushing yourself to actually live life.

And let yourself have days where you watch Youtube. That doesn’t make you a failure. It makes you human.

Good luck!

omg you’re gonna be quadlingual? and you made it through a diet?? you go!

I think you are doing great

Put a time limit on your apps. 2 hours of YouTube per day and then no more type of limit. Make sure you have stuff to do so you can pivot off the phone. Then reduce the time but by bit.

It sucks but phone/tv addiction is real.

You already seem to be doing more than most people. In terms of the gym. You already spend countless just watching a screen, have you tried doing the same but being on a bike? At least you’d be making better use out of that time. Trying to trick your brain is usually a good way for me to start on things.

I have accomplished some cool stuff, like i just recently got out of morbid obesity by following a diet, i got my English C1 certification and i’m learning Spanish and Mandarin with surprisingly good results. I have been studying stuff i’m interested in, mainly politics, philosophy, and most recently I’m getting more into maths and physics.

Holy shit that’s awesome! You have lots of accomplishments to talk about :)

It’s not boasting to be proud of your work and talk about it. It’s OK to talk about yourself.

I suggest joining a club, going to events, or volunteer orgs as said in other comments. Examples: trail maintenance, rock climbing, hiking, sports, dance, improv, anything you’re interested in already, think might be fun, or even seems adjacent to your interest but challenging. MAKE THE EFFORT AND GO OUT OF YOUR WAY FOR IT!

Try to be honestly interested in new people you meet. My favorite question is “Who are you?” because it forces them to think and it tends to build interest on asking the question in return.

We feel less like a loser when we make social connections with people we admire. Then when they want to hang out or talk it shows us that others see our value. You have to accept your circumstances, change what you want and are able to, and be vulnerable with others.

You need to heal your self esteem. Be kind to yourself, then slowly you’ll start to feel better. It takes a long time, don’t give up. Therapy helps a ton, if it’s right for you, don’t be afraid to change therapists until you find someone you vibe with. It doesn’t matter how much you accomplish, you’ll feel like a loser until your self esteem is fixed.

i’d like to go out more but many of my friends are always busy or just out of reach, and i live a bit far from the city so i can’t just “take a walk”, because i’d have nowhere to go and for a big portion of the road near my house there is no sidewalks at all.

A lot of stuff is like this where what your life is like is about your circumstances more than it is about anything being wrong with you. The problem with thinking about your self worth only in terms of the end result of achievements and success is that it’s disconnected from reality, because it’s only looking at results and comparisons to people with different circumstances. It’s better to think about what choices you realistically have and whether you are making the best ones you can given what you have to work with, because in the end you’re only human and that is all you can do. Put yourself in the most favorable circumstances you can for what you actually want your life to be like, make the best choices you can, congratulate yourself if you’ve done that.

I’ve always thought the best way to increase your feelings of self worth is to volunteer to help others in need. It might be at a local food bank, helping others in the community for simple yard work, whatever you think will have an impact.