There is something deeply funny to me about the idea of an eldritch horror having washboard abs

That poor cosmic horror. It needs a soothing cup of tea, and maybe a nice hot bath to wash away the stink of having had to be in the presence of private equity.

“The book said I was old, you assumed that meant powerful”

I assumed that its home dimension was favorable to its biology and ours was not, like when you take a blobfish up from the bottom of the sea and it goes all bleeerrrttggghjptptptpptppt…