The fact that not every hot person wants to fuck me. It is truly the great tragedy of my life.
I never liked “dating” at all, my two long relationships grew from sexual hookups. Going out with someone with an intent to grow it just bothers me, how in the world can you know? Just have fun and something will stick.
Worst part is breakup or even worse, death. The end is the worst part, even if it’s gotten so bad you need it to end.
The fact I’ve not had anything like that in as long as I’ve lived, and I’m no teen anymore
Social norms, basically. I have unusual ideals about some important but very personal aspects of a relationship. Talking about those aspects early on is seen as a red flag in my community, but not talking about them means we’re probably wasting each other’s time.
You could probably get around this with the right dating apps, but those are data privacy nightmares.
every year I get a little older, a little more damaged, and a little less desirable; and the age bracket of people I’d be interested in get more baggage of their own and have more expectations of a potential partner. I’m in my late 20s living with family, and nobody really wants to date me already; I can’t fathom that will improve any in the future being a 30-something living with family (as I will likely still be too poor to leave).
Probably gonna die alone. Can’t wait, this place sucks anyhow.
Looking at late 20s as old blows my mind. I looked at a genealogy site and so many of my ancestresses married in their late 20s. I was surprised by that but apparently it’s never been uncommon. My mom too, she married around age 30.
yeah no I haven’t even managed to lose my v-card or really even have a meaningful romantic relationship, about the closest I came was someone leading me on and playing mind games with me for a few months. 🙃
Given my success so far, it’s easy to extrapolate “when will I find the one?” to “probably never”.
This is unsolicited advice so feel free to ignore, especially if it sounds “twee.”
What i think helps is:
- having a positive mindset, because it’s almost like people can sense when you are yearning to get into a relationship
- in the same vein, treat potential mates as potential good friends. Your first few meetings with them is like their “informal interviews for being a friend.” You can invite them on a date (or just to do something together as friends)1 which is the final interview, which lets them get the higher position in your social circle.
- I don’t say that to complicate what should already be simple; firstly, it’s getting not simple in this day age, because people don’t know what to do with all the dating apps and SM. Secondly, the message is just create a more relaxed low pressure atmosphere for them
- to revisit the first point - this is just something many people say, and i have experienced in my own life: stop seeking a partner and one will stumble into your life. This might be why people already committed relationships get a lot of attention; they seem self satisfied.
I also just want to say that more people are in your position than you think ❤️. Zoomed are the most sexless and relationship generation, after all.
Yes, actually I’ve ceased actively looking for a partner for the better part of a year now. Little has changed, except I now have fewer apps on my phone. (I do still maintain one dating profile on an open source app but I check it on the order of twice a year because the app is dead, feel free to guess which)
More room for memes is cool, I guess
also I’ve tried solicited advice and it rarely helps either, so I don’t really care. It’s on me whether I follow it, and terrible advice is usually not subtle to everyone reading in a public forum. Do your worst, none of us are getting any younger.
late 20s is when a lot of my friends gave up on what they thought were their ideal partners and ended up happy with people they never considered in the past.
The „what are we to each other“ phase. Granted, that’s probably more of an issue for me than most others because I‘m poly / non-monogamous, so the expectation that intense flirting leads to more often isn’t there.
I‘ve been in so many situations where both sides were unsure how far the other side wants to go. Do I just kiss them? Do I ask for a kiss? Do I call them my partner? Would openly asking scare them away? Do I fuck up by not doing any of that? Sometimes it feels like two teenagers in a romance story who are very much into each other but too scared to do anything about it.
In one case it has been going for years. We flirt a lot, we hug and cuddle and for a while we kissed every time we met. Then I said „I love you“ and they got scared that those words come with expectations. We talked about it but no more kisses so far.
I usually get told to slow down, didn’t realise at first that there was any societal expectation not to just show as much passion as you’re feeling. I guess it stems from women wanting their male mates to demonstrate an ability to have self control, as that’s desirable in a mate and men tend more to rush towards physical things - and the same also applies for gay couples, i’m sure.
Apps.
The clean up!
All the goddamn lying.
The way it requires socially navigating talking to another person.
I hate when a person goes from being your best friend to someone who’s just around after they’ve got what they wanted out of the relationship.
The scams.
Let you know when I’m in one.
Not having them but having to hear other people talk about them constantly.
the fact many folks complete lose all moral compass, common sense, and reason when it comes to romantic relationships. and thus end up in destructive patterns to themselves and others.
blows my mind how like, many of my exes were upstanding folks to the outside world, but when it came to me and our relationship, lying, cheating, stealing, hypocrisy and all that was 100% justified, because feelings.
the terrifying thing is that now on first dates people like straight up lead with how hypocritical and abusive they are and think there is nothing wrong with it, because the internet told them it was good to be that way.
the terrifying thing is that now on first dates people like straight up lead with how hypocritical and abusive they are and think there is nothing wrong with it, because the internet told them it was good to be that way.
Do you have examples of this? It sounds interesting but I don’t totally get what you’re talking about yet
look at any dating advice on social media. it’s all about how to manipulate and abuse people to get money or sex out of them.
