I once had a long-time friend (through her shirt/sleeve holes) take her bra off and throw it at me and then sit on my lap at a party once.
It was another 3 years before I found out she had a huge crush on me and was hoping I would do literally anything other than sit there awkwardly
We really should start teaching people to use words to communicate
That’s not reliable, either.
I once was encouraged, vocally and clearly, by a girl to cross the room and kiss her. It would have been my first kiss or, indeed, romantic encounter of any kind in person.
I didn’t and we just sat on opposite couches until our friends got tired of checking on us and took us our separate ways.
To be fair, in the era of “first kiss” it’s important to remember that we are all awkward as fuck.
That’s how my wife got me.
She told me directly. No “read the room” BS. No “pick up the signals”. No twirling her hair and winking at you.
Just straight talk. “I’m having a good time. So grab my boobs and then put your tongue in my mouth.”
Probably just being polite
So there was this girl in our friends group I was pretty into in college, but I never believed I was worthy, so I never had the nerve to ask her out. She then transfers to another school across the state and I figure that’s the end of it.
A year later, she’s returned to my school, and I fall harder than ever. It’s my chance to make up for past cowardice and go for the one that got away! So of course I don’t do anything.
She texts me one day and says she has an assignment that requires her to have someone peer review an essay and asks for help. I say sure, and she asks if I can come over the next night around 11. She mentions specifically that her roommate will be out of town, and that she’s not in a relationship.
I go to her place, and she’s wearing yoga stuff, the lights are dim, and there’s music plating. She offers me a drink, and sits down next to me on the couch, and I know why she invited me over.
So I put down my drink, look her in the eyes, and ask for the paper.
She’s like “Oh, yeah”, and goes and prints a paper. I go to the kitchen table, turn on a light, and spend about 10 minutes critiquing it, finish my drink, and leave shortly after to let her get back to work on it.
I didn’t realize what I’d done for like a year.
Ouch. And I find myself feeling it just as badly for her, because if she had only been slightly vocal about what she wanted she very well might have had you worshipping her for life. In a good way.
It’s probably best for her, honestly. I really wasn’t in a great place then. I have my life mostly together now, but back then I did not.
Damn. How do you even make it more obvious than that?
I literally had a girl I was being super flirty with come home with me, crawl into my bed and fall asleep next to me once. I convinced myself that she was just being really friendly. She left at 4am.
I went to visit a good friend in another city once and was slightly confused when we got to the end of the night and there was just her tiny bed in her tiny bedroom
to this day I have no idea if she wanted something to happen, but I’m not gonna make it weird and ruin a friendship at midnight while somewhat drunk and out of town. I’ll get into bed with you, but if you want something to happen, YOU make the move. the move was not made. or I was too drunk to notice, idk anymore, I’d forgotten about this
I’m the one who got out of bed super early and went for a walk by the lake for over an hour
I once absolutely missed out on doing the hanky panky with a gal…
… because I was absolutely insistent that we must watch all of Inglorious Basterds.
We were literally already in my bed, the entire time.
… But I was apparently more enamored with the movie and functionally spreading it as gospel.
Like, she actually groped me and whispered for me to roll her around and face her, as opposed to me being the big spoon, and I was like “No you don’t understand, you have to see this movie.”
… I guess the difference here being that I was entirely aware of the possible routes of that uh, encounter, and I consciously chose the movie, lol.
It’s a great movie, but I’m convinced this exact situation is why the pause button was invented.
AFAIK there is no such analagous pause button for my immense autism (undiagnosed at the time of this story).
Then she gets you naked as a joke. And strands you in the desert.
then she has sex with you, marries you, get two kids, grow up old together and on your deathbed she’ll say it was just a prank
I guess that’s better than dying only to wake up at the start of level 1-1
You beat cancer and then went back to the carpet store? Amateur hour over here…
Welp… That went well.
Buuuuuut you get away with the priceless artifact
The irony here being
Firefly spoiler
She’s actually not into him. Though it’s not so much a “joke” as it is “homicidal theft”.
There’s a lot of subtext in the YoSaffBridge episodes to indicate that if she was capable of feeling true attraction to and affection for any of her marks, it would be Mal.
Yes, but …
Unexpected /c/curse-your-sudden-but-inevitable-betrayal
PSA to watch Resident Alien if you haven’t. Sci-fi action sitcom based on a Dark Horse comic about an alien who comes to Earth on a mission to destroy it, but then really likes the food. Absolute peak Tudyk.
He’s a mad genius! And it’s a fantastic show.
And then it got cancelled.
THIS IS SOME BULLSHIT
SON OF A BITCH
