Just toying with the idea here. I am thinking about proposing in the next year and I never expected I would be in this position.
My sister was just proposed to and dude must have spent like 10 grand on the ring. I think she feels like he spent too much. It looks like the friggin thing weighs her whole hand down.
Also do you think it is misogynist to ask the lady’s dad for permission?
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Don’t spend ten grand.
I proposed with a dummy ring made of foil and then we went ring shopping together. I also got an engagement ring because I wanted one.
Spend what you can afford. Pay more attention to the style she likes than the cost.
If she says no because the ring wasn’t expensive enough, you dodged a bullet.
Ask her mum, that’s what I did.
Spend what you can comfortably afford.
If you aren’t sure of the ring, you may want to ask tbh. Some people want an expensive ring, others like my wife wanted to go shop with me for it after the proposal. I gave her an etsy amulet of Mara for the proposal then we did a modest ring later.
As for her dad, do it, but not to ask for permission, more to officially inform him and her mother. That’s an important distinction. I did this, my feminist wife respected it quite a bit, and her dad felt honored and respected.
Great answer.
I second that OP should ask about ring preference before buying anything. I did before I proposed, and was surprised to learn that she had very specific desires for her engagement ring.
If it doesn’t put you in generational debt its not enough /s
Propose with a twist-tie ring, go and buy the real ring together. That way you don’t overspend and you get the ring she wants.
If you were borrowing a bike, you’d ask the bikes owner first. Your partner is not a bike and doesn’t have an owner. Her permission is all you need.
My wife’s engagement ring was $18.
Depends on your goals. Are you putting something flashy on your arm candy’s finger so you can show off how wealthy you are to your male competitors? Shell out. Are you trying to give her the chance to flash it around to show her female competitors she landed a whale? Shell out. Are you buying it as a symbol of your secure, mature love? Price doesn’t matter. You could put a rubber O-ring on there and the point is served, but something that demonstrates you really know her is great.
As for permission, fuck the dad. They’re not the one you’re marrying. They don’t get a say.
The way my eyebrows shot up when you said “As for permission, fuck the dad…” 😳
I got the wrong message from that sentence on the first read-through 😅
“Assert your dominance as the new paternal authority figure!”
Find a local lapidary society. Members will sell you a cut stone that is unique. Get it set by a manufacturing jeweller. The lapidarist I found gifted me a 1.75 carat topaz that he had fossicked and cut. Then it cost me $375 AUD to have it set. Wife loves it and it’s a one of a kind.
I’ll give a highly biased answer: fuck the whole, tired conventional consumerist diamond ring custom. Find something not necessarily expensive that would be symbolically meaningful to you both.
Personally I feel the whole concept of the man proposing with a ring is outdated. The decision to get married was a joint decision between my wife and me. We talked about it, agreed we both wanted it and then decided together when we wanted to get married. There was no engagement ring and we didn’t spend a lot on our wedding rings either (I can’t remember how much, but it was relatively speaking very cheap). The wedding itself was also rather small and not that expensive (again, relatively). We had a lovely day and never regretted not spending more, even if we could have afforded to.
But getting married is one of these things where the right way is your way. Everyone wants something different and nobody can tell you what’s best for you and your partner.
An engagement shouldn’t be a surprise, but a proposal can be (depending on what the couple wants!). As in your advice on discussing and agreeing jointly on getting engaged is really good.
My partner and myself decided against rings altogether and did a smaller wedding as well. It was awesome and not too expensive.
Why do you need an engagement ring? Can’t two people just get engaged without going into debt for a fucking rock?
10k on a ring? Holy!
I think this is something worth discussing with your s.o. Maybe they agree about not wanting to spend a whole lot. Maybe it is really important to them.
Maybe they don’t want a ring at all.
And if it’s mysogonistic to ask for the fathers opinion? Yes. Yes it is. Men should not have this power over their daughters decisions.
A little bit more than what your partner thinks you should spend.
I would ask her parents for approval and spend as much as I feel comfortable doing. Which is definitely below 10k, because at that point I would worry about someone walking up and just chopping her hand of (or following us home, maybe slightly more reallistic).
I think plain gold rings are fine. Otherwise just anything that looks decent. Rule of thumb: Your wedding rings shouldn’t dictate your outfits.
I just realized you said ‘engagement’, not ‘wedding’. What the actual fuck man.
I’m French. No more than $500, anything higher would be crazy. I don’t understand this American thing to spend 10 years of salary on a ring, and my wife does not understand that either.
do you think it is misogynist to ask the lady’s dad for permission?
No, it’s cute. Do it!
I don’t understand this American thing to spend 10 years of salary on a ring
The rule of thumb was three months’ salary. But that was invented by the diamond industry.
