And the app requires a non-jailbroken Apple or Android with strong play integrity plus photos of your face, your ID, and your shit to flush.
I’m normally a calm person. But this makes my blood boil.
And turn off DNS ad block and watch 3 unskippable ads to get an extra toilet paper. Wanna watch less ads? Agree to our use-your-excrement-to-train-ai and sell-your-data-to-our-10000-partners and you-can’t-sue-us-over-data-breach EULA to watch one our AI-generated personalized ad instead
Remember when “drink verification can” was a funny absurd scenario and not something that seems like it could happen any day now?
Upgrade to our master flusher package, which offers 30 flushes per week…
you need an app for that to assist you
“It’s not that bad, you just need to listen to 3 un-skippable 3 minute ads, then you can flush”
I’m upvoting your comment because as an owner of several corporations, I think you’ve got a great idea!
Don’t forget you will need to prove your identity by uploading your driving licence before you can download the app.
I don’t see an artist signature
You’ll have to download the autograph app.
It’s a good app
They did a lot of work to remove the watermarks.
What kind of dickless bitch removes the fucking artist tags?!
Apologies to the good bitches
The kind that likes watching the world burn
$5.99 a month.
Double flush for only $10.00!
plus all the data flows over their own server, therefore has 3 seconds latency, sometimes doesn’t work at all, and they retire the server after 5 years.
$19.99 a month for Unlimited flushes!
*Unlimited flushes are limited to 200 flushes, after that the flushing and tank refill rate are reduced to the 10% of the normal rate.
For unlimited unlimited flushes upgrade now to the Unlimited+ for $59.99 per month, subscription of one year required, penalty of 200% of the remaining year if cancelled.
**Unlimited+ does not include ad removal, user still has to watch a 30 seconds ad. Ad removal sold separately.
A higher tier gets you 5 unclogs a month and reduced ads!
Surge flushing is real.
Automatic DNA tests on whatever you “deposit” into the “specimen chamber” and results sold to the insurance companies so they can increase your rates of drop your coverage coincidentally before you see an actual diagnosed.
Your butt told on you for pre crime… Minority Repoopt
Nobody has any business with my rates of drop
And then they will sell that data to health insurance
Just dump a bucket of water in afterwards.
Make sure you enable developer mode before attempting to sideload water into the toilet!
As someone that has to download an app made by an Israeli firm just to open the gate to my underground parking lot, this is already a dystopian reality. Of course the app asks for all your data, so my name on it is Mr. Free Palestine.
Israel “merdaverse@lemmy.zip is now Hamas and has an underground Hamas compound at their location.”
I’d be okay with this if I could integrate it with home assistant. Just poo, wipe, and go. If seat goes from detecting a user to not detecting a user for 30 seconds, then flush, wait 15 seconds, disperse air freshener aroma.
It can’t be through a company cloud system though, it’s got to be local only. My poo schedule is not for data collection! :p
It can’t be through a company cloud system though, it’s got to be local only.
Sorry, the best we can do is only having one data breach every six months, and the toilet refusing to flush if the internet ever goes out.
How does the system handle skid marks?
That’s in the works but requires a camera and object/color recognition xP
You’re forgetting the cardinal rule of home automation. Everything must also work “normally” if HA were to go down.
Eh, that’s overrated. My HA server runs on RAID1 hotplug drives with multiple layers of UPS. It can survive multiple drive failures with zero downtime, even when physically replacing the drives.
I’m more interested in evading the online only cloud dependent bullshit many devices have.
I mean, sure, that’s neat and all but my toilet still needs an analog flusher.
Eh. My bog has a bluetooth controlled bidet so HA can wash my bottom, should i ever want it to…
Do you sometimes forget to flush?
It’s not forgetting, it’s the extra few seconds adding up. I’ve got important places to be!
Doing imortant business.
Also add a camera directed at the butthole to save water if it was poop or no. Also to show a progressbar of how things r going. Just make sure to stream the video unencrypted to the cloud.
Write this down, write this down! YouPoop.net here we go baby
You can probably build something with a smart valve. The mechanism for flushers is really simple.
What about mercy flushes? Air freshener can be as bad or worst then the odor you are trying to coverup.
I am concerned about what is coming from your butt :p
The cool thing about the wifi-enabled model is you get the built in camera and microphone as standard
And the FBI thought having to watch people through their computer screens was a shitty job.
…more like a shit job.
Also don’t forget the monthly fee
Pretty soon we’ll have AI toilets for some reason. They’ll be able to send push notifications to your phone. I imagine a future where your toilet is hungry because you went on vacation and needs you to shit in it so bad.
“Feed me, daddy.”
My friend has a toilet that has its own remote control. There’s no flush handle. It’s the dumbest thing on earth.
