I’m a healthy outdoorsy athletic woman, never touched drugs or alcohol or junk food, a lifestyle which is intentional & ESSENTIAL criteria I work hard for.

So WHY the only men who approach me with amorous intentions are unhealthy, cigarette, alcohol, junk food men??

Update: Thank you for your thoughtful responses & the humorous ones too. I upvoted my favorites & laughed at the funnies and you’ve given me plenty to think about & work on.

  • MintyFresh@lemmy.world
    0·
    5 months ago

    Maybe you’re putting out junk food vibes? Like you have an aura of dorito dust and Marlboro smoke?

  • disregardable@lemmy.zip
    0·
    5 months ago

    There are more of them that are single than healthy men. Finding your person takes time and effort, but it is worth it.

  • 𞋴𝛂𝛋𝛆@lemmy.worldEnglish
    0·
    5 months ago

    Submissive om is a dead theory. I do not seek out anyone unless there is some indication of interest. In a truly egalitarian world, you are invited to someone’s home. You do not show up unannounced or unsolicited.

        • Cherry@piefed.socialEnglish
          0·
          5 months ago

          Have to agree, however I have a thought.

          Man who are athletic join gyms and have they been asked not to go hitting on women at the gym. That is fair. So that environment is not a dating space, as are a lot of exercise spaces. OP can have the option of approaching men, the world is equal…ask the you want men out…but should the same precedent exist? Don’t do it in the space they come to to workout?

            • YappyMonotheist@lemmy.world
              0·
              5 months ago

              Everyone’s able and pretty much always has been, but rejection can be very painful and a blow to the ego, which ceteris paribus is more uncomfortable for women so they only shoot their shot with men they find really attractive (“if the risk is always the same, at least go for the high reward”, and being rejected by a guy who isn’t very attractive can be even more painful), something that is rare.

                • YappyMonotheist@lemmy.world
                  0·
                  5 months ago

                  Yup yup yup. Although to be fair it’s a bit more understandable coming from women (the fact that men are very horny, horny enough to fund 99% of hookers and OF girlies, horny enough to fuck a McChicken even, can make male-to-female rejection seem even more painful), we have it easier handling our emotions (any man who’s less stable than the average woman is evidently broken and needs to get on top of their shit ASAP, we don’t even have luteal phases!) so I don’t mind being the sex that approaches.

                • daggermoon@piefed.worldEnglish
                  0·
                  5 months ago

                  That’s not really the problem. It’s more so that I feel like a burden. I don’t feel I have much to offer her. I’m loyal and loving but I feel like that’s not enough.

  • trem@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    0·
    5 months ago

    Not sure, if you’re actually looking for an explanation or rather just want to rant and/or hope for dating tips, but maybe still helpful to be aware of:

    Diagram of a normal distribution

    With your specific expectations, you’re somewhere to the far left or far right, whichever way you want to read it.
    For example, this graph could be applied to alcohol consumption, with 0 on the left and lots on the right. Then you’re on the far left.

    The Y-axis shows how many people exist in that range. There’s some median alcohol consumption, which is going to be in the center of this diagram, where most people are. At 0 alcohol consumption, there’s very few people, because it’s an extreme.

    Obviously, this simplifies a lot. In a real survey, there’s probably actually somewhat of a bump at 0 alcohol, because certain religions prohibit consumption.
    But yeah, in general, you’re hoping for relatively many extremes, so the number of people that match that are quite low. You will naturally get magnitudes more romantic interest from Average Joes, because there’s just magnitudes more of them.

    As somebody else already said, try to find groups that naturally attract folks from the extremes that you look for, like outdoor sports groups.
    Online dating, as problematic as it is, can also be rather good at finding very specific extremes.

    • RBWells@lemmy.world
      0·
      5 months ago

      This is the most likely explanation by far. You are looking for such a small subset of the available population, you are unlikely to hit on what you want by chance.

      You would need to either increase your tolerance in some direction (need fit & active, don’t mind some drinking, some junk food as long as they don’t care you don’t join in that).

      One other thought, I am a lady but if I met a guy who was TOO clean living, I’d worry how he was in bed, does he consider sex a vice too? Some of those guys are kinda crazy.

      Maybe ask your friends if they know anyone you might vibe with or try online dating apps.

  • CombatWombat@feddit.onlineEnglish
    0·
    5 months ago

    I suspect what you’re finding is that the kind of men who make amorous advances aren’t the kind of men you’re interested in, and the kind of men you’re interested in don’t make amorous advances. Have you tried amorously approaching a man who you’re interested in?