I was raised to address strangers and those I wish to show social deference to as “Sir” or “Ma’am”. It’s a difficult habit to break, as it is deeply engrained.
What is an equivalent gender neutral honorific that is relatively common in English? If I can’t break the habit I’d rather have a substitute word to use instead of an awkward pause in the middle of addressing someone
I’d just use Google to ask but I’d rather ask the people directly rather than an AI generated answer based off of Reddit threads
ETA: I suppose if Yessir and Yes’m work, Yesn’t could too? Mostly joking… but maybe… 🤔
Your highness
Dude
FWIW, Sir is gender neutral in the military — this came up in Star Trek Voyager, anyway. Basically if your senior officer isn’t male, they’re sir until they tell you otherwise.
Not sure what military you served in, but the one I served in definitely didn’t call women sir until instructed otherwise. However, “mister” may be correct for all warrant officers.
Um, Starfleet… as mentioned (Star Trek Voyager… Star Trek’s Starfleet is inspired by the Navy).
I never served… Mostly due to health reasons
Oh I misunderstood you. I thought you were using the Star Trek reference as just a supporting claim that militaries follow this practice. But I see now you meant only in that context.
Yeah, I meant that Star Trek did it, and Star Trek is (supposed to be) based on the Navy, so as one who’s never served, I really only have Star Trek Voyager (which had a female captain) to go by.
With female bosses, I’ve always asked them if they want to be called sir or ma’am. It sounds like a good way to catch hands, but if you ask out of respect and good faith, chances are you’ll be answered in kind.
I served in the US Air Force. Everyone was “Sir” or “Ma’am” and it was very gender-specific. Even for the few years we allowed transgender folks to serve (before Trump banned them), you referred to them by their preferred transition title.
We don’t have warrant officers in the Air Force, so I can’t speak to their title of address.
Same, USAF but decades ago. It was actually the USAF protocol office I called to verify the “mister” address for WO. Not because we had them, but because they still have protocol for how to address them, generally army chopper pilots if I recall.
When I served (2002-2022), we were always told that warrant officers are technically officers, so treat them the same as any officer. So we would’ve addressed them as Sir or Ma’am if we came across them. As well as saluting them if we met them outside.
I don’t recall ever addressing anyone as “Mister” in the service. Heck, I retired a few years ago and now I feel weird when people call me Mr. [Last Name]. I got so used to being called by my rank and last name for 2 decades. Mister just sounds wrong.
FWIW, Sir is not gender neutral in Gamestop.
Sir, this is a Wendy’s.
GameStop has Wendy’s now?
Yeah, Wendy’s nuts are loose but your manager “borrowed” the socket set and now your clearance display is on the ground.
Wen deez nuts are loose
It means I’m getting old…
No, I got yelled at when I didn’t see.
Sir hasn’t been gender neutral in my military for like 30 years at least
Sir is gender neutral in fictional militaries. Every woman holding a commission I ever encountered was ma’am. Didn’t matter the country.
Yes, Star Trek is fictional.
But the way you’ve formatted your first comment is “this thing is a military thing, as can be seen from this fictional military” which doesn’t necessarily imply said thing is fictional even though the military you’ve used as an example is.
Not really…
Like, yeah, probably in Star Trek, but that would have been a projected evolution of modern society, not a reflection of current reality.
Everyone would assume “sir” and if it’s over an email no one is getting worked up about it.
But call a female officer “sir” to her face and I don’t think it will go well
I’d accept ‘your majesty’
Are you sure you’re not Spez?
Gentlepeople?
But what if they are an MMA fighter?
Go by language rules - It.
Personally, I’m in favour of “mamsir”, which is the obvious compounding of “ma’am” and “sir”. The Internet tells me it’s used in the Philippines, but I could have sworn I first heard of it being used in India 🤷♀️
This is hard.
Buddy? Sounds dismissive.
My friend? Sounds like you’re a scammer or a slimy salesperson.
Pal? Sounds mildly aggressive.
Dude? Arguably masculine.
Gen Alpha might have it right – “bro” seems to be gender neutral and used by both boys and girls.
I think technically it’s “bru”, possibly “bruh”
I dot know about all gen-x but I feel a strong aggressive feeling at ‘bruh’. Maybe the legion of kids saying it so often that you wish for a ‘literally’ as respite has given me opinions.
I assume this is what getting old feels like is all. We rolled our eyes at the adults who rolled their eyes at things we said that were “cool”. And now we roll our eyes at the young kids (who are in their 30s now). heh
I think young Millennials and Zoomers said “bruh”, and it was mostly used ironically.
Younger Zoomers (I think?) started using “bro” unironically, and it caught on big time with Gen Alpha. At least from what I’ve heard.
Dude is absolutely gender neutral, didn’t you learn anything from Good Burger?
I agree, but not everyone agrees. And the problem with these “honourifics” (or whatever these are called) is that you have to get them right before the recipient heard them.
Good Burger came out 30 years ago and is only notable because there’s a song about it, dude was gender neutral before that. I’m not gonna change my speech to accommodate someone’s anachronistic definition of a word lol
Sibling; cuz; fam
Some of my friends use “yes them” jokingly to replace yes sir/yes ma’am. Certainly not correct in any grammatical way, but it does flow well enough and is kindof funny as long as the person being addressed doesnt mind.
Marcie calls Peppermint Patty Sir, so maybe that works. Only half joking.
Personally, I like “Sir” as in the Star Trek/Orville usage. It did happy things to my brain when the crew on the Orville referred to Commander Kelly Grayson (a cis woman) as “Sir”, respectfully referring to her by her proper title as a commanding officer. That was cool. I like the gender neutral “Sir” a lot.
But for casual usage, “Friend” or “Neighbor” is nice. “Hey, neighbor, you dropped this.” “Excuse me, friend, lemme reach around you here.”
Yeah I think “sir” trumps madam because it’s professional
I also like this interpretation. It’s the same gender neutral connotation as the Cali surfer “dude” or “bro” used equally with everyone.
Similar to “boi”
I am a believer in the gender-neutral California ‘dude’. But only if it’s used by someone from the West Coast.
I use Mx or Mxtress with my Owner
How exactly are u pronouncing that? Like Mx = “em-ex”?
I kinda do Mix which they don’t seem to mind
Oftentimes I just leave out honorifics when I am unsure of the gender or preferred terms of the person I am speaking with. If I know for a fact that they are non-binary then “Mx” can work, though not everyone is fond of it and I would hate to offend. Honestly I usually just substitute it in ways such as the below (though i speak pretty casually in general).
What can I do for you friend?
Sure thing love
Have a nice day hun
“Mx” can work
Writing it is one thing, but how are you supposed to pronounce it? It can’t possibly be “mix;” that’d be like pronouncing “Mr.” as “murr” instead of “mister.”
You are correct in that “Mx” is most often pronounced as “mix”. It isn’t a direct abbreviation like “Mr” is to “Mister”, but rather derived as a neutral variant to those types of honorifics, so don’t over think it. This is the wild world of the English language after all
I think boss works decent as a neutral way to respectfully address some body in a position of authority, I have refered to many a manager and or client as “boss” when I dont know know their name
In a similar vein, what are you supposed to call aunts/uncles that are non-binary?
Certainly not late for dinner. Or at least that’s what they tell me
Auncles
