• ExtremeDullard@piefed.socialEnglish
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    2 months ago

    When I came back home from the hospital after my amputation, my wife of 30 years told me she didn’t sign up for this, packed up her things and left.

    • tomiant@piefed.socialEnglish
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      2 months ago

      WOOF! What?! Holy fucking shit. I am sorry bro. THIRTY YEARS? No way. I’m sorry but I even find that a bit hard to believe.

    • turtlesareneat@piefed.caEnglish
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      2 months ago

      This happens more than people want to admit, and it can be sudden after a period of support. Like someone gets cancer and their SO sticks by their side until it gets stage 4, things get really messy and hard, and suddenly they’re off starting a new life. My SO is a therapist and has seen it firsthand, it’s gruesome and cruel.

      • tomiant@piefed.socialEnglish
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        2 months ago

        Motherfuckers starting second lives behind their spouses back and here I can’t find a fucking bridge partner.

    • Korhaka@sopuli.xyzEnglish
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      2 months ago

      I mean it’s right there, “for riches and in health, till inconvenience do you part”.

      • tomiant@piefed.socialEnglish
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        2 months ago

        Yeah, health. Not disease or amputation. It isn’t covered by the contract. You need the premium plan marriage package for that.

    • fizzle@quokk.auEnglish
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      2 months ago

      Wow. Im sorry you encountered this.

      While thankfully I have had nothing amputated (yet… but im diabetic), ive noticed that each of several partners over the years has just been abominable at showing empathy.

      For example, if I tried to tell my current SO that im feeling a bit down she would absolutely get the shits with me and tell me how shitty her life is.

      Theres something about kicking a dog when its down that some people just cant restrain themselves.

      In hind sight, would it have been helpful for your partner to give you a few months to recover before leaving?

        • tomiant@piefed.socialEnglish
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          2 months ago

          Nice of her to pack my things I guess but now I have to unpack them again. Kind of redundant if you ask me but it’s a nice gesture.

        • Aarrodri@lemmy.world
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          2 months ago

          Lol I’m an idiot… I’m my head he left… so was very confused why he took her things…😂😂😂

    • Clbull@lemmy.world
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      2 months ago

      My best friend got cheated on and dumped after he got diagnosed with epilepsy. It took a year of fits (one in which he screwed up his back) to get the diagnosis, and it basically meant he had to abandon his career path of working in the police force as a detective and forensic analyst and switch to something different.

      It also doesn’t help that they both got sacked from a call centre whilst this was going on.

  • Crackhappy@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
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    2 months ago

    I have a bit of a story to tell about this particular question.

    It’s a question I asked of myself.

    Brought on by my sister calling child protective services on me after my wife died. She left me. With four children, and I was in mourning and not dealing well.

    It led me the ask the most painful question of myself. Am I a good father?

    The answer was no.

    I wasn’t a good father. And I’m glad she made that call. It woke me up, and I changed everything around. Or at least, I hope so.

  • Weirdfish@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    It was two occasions about eight years apart. One was Mom calling to tell me Dad died, the other was my brother calling me about Mom.

  • [object Object]@lemmy.ca
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    2 months ago

    I used to compete in an annual competition in high school, one year I got 4th, the next third. You needed first to progress to national level.

    A friend of my teacher said “when do you just shoot the horse” right in front of me.

    Thankfully I never saw that guy again, but Jesus, what an asshole. That was the last year I did that competition.

    • AstralPath@lemmy.ca
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      2 months ago

      I’m so lost. I feel like I’m missing something obvious here. Are you the horse? What does this mean?

    • SybilVane@lemmy.ca
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      2 months ago

      What an absolutely awful attitude to have around children. Forget celebrating all you achieved, or the fact that you’re clearly improving, it wasn’t good enough after two attempts so just give up forever.

  • unfortunate_ferret@piefed.caEnglish
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    2 months ago

    No, that guy holding a swastika flag at a Nazi march isn’t a Nazi. You don’t know anything else about him!

    I don’t need to, though - and now, I don’t need to know anything else about the guy who said that, either.

  • Michael@slrpnk.net
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    2 months ago

    When I was being raped and tortured repeatedly by a younger male family member for over 2 years and cried for help, being told that it was something I imagined or made up to stir drama was extremely heart-shattering. It didn’t matter how much physical evidence I had gathered, nobody in my life would recognize the seriousness of the situation or even take the smallest steps to prevent the abuse from happening.

    I was too afraid to call the cops because even my parents refused to believe me. Nobody was on my side. My abuser poisoned my family and friends before/during/after the abuse, to make sure I had no one to go to. That nobody would believe me.

    • SharkWeek@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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      2 months ago

      Same here. My mother never believed it happened.

      I blamed myself, because that’s who society says is at fault when a girl has a high sex drive and gets in over her head.

      If I hadn’t had support and understanding from a friend’s parents, I’m sure I would have killed myself.

      • Michael@slrpnk.net
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        2 months ago

        Thanks. That was 10 years ago. I am making steady progress in realizing my dreams of helping others, but I still am struggling quite a bit even though I’ve made so much progress on my healing journey.

          • Michael@slrpnk.net
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            2 months ago

            I have not been able to find a good fit, no. Being in a rural area and being on Medicaid complicates this.

            I considered online therapy, but I experience severe video/phone call anxiety. In-person therapy is fine, but the facilities around here aren’t trauma-informed/specialized in treating PTSD. They also don’t know the first thing about adult autism.

            I’ve tried a couple times regardless, but I did not feel comfortable sharing any of the sensitive details to them.

            I would give them a few chances, like tell them about my biological sister (18 years older than me, career criminal, took my parent’s identity more times than I can count, poisoned me with copious amounts of Benadryl over a period of time in my teens to steal from my parents, tried to suffocate me multiple times), but even sharing the smallest details did not inspire trust.

            I’ve had therapists blame me or my anxiety for not being able to adapt to a hostile environment before I even was able to tell them 1% of what is actually going on. Acting as if I wasn’t being rational when I told them how many difficulties I had. Acting as if I could just ignore and get along with my sister while living with her…

            Most people can’t fathom what I have been through. Since I present “normally” (i.e. mask), albeit with some level of visible anxiety, it makes it seem like things are not so bad to them.

            I am seeking somebody, but I can’t afford the people who can help. Maybe one day. I have given up on getting justice and the person who raped me over and over is still free. As for my sister, well she is in court and will likely be going away for a long time for reasons unrelated to me - the jury will decide her fate.

            Recently, she tried to frame my mother with a fake ID/renting scheme by impersonating her, giving out bad checks while seeking housing in a neighboring city in another state. My sister has been out of our lives for about a decade, mostly, and she still is trying to get my mother in trouble/hurt us. We have restraining orders against her and have for a few years now.

            My mother nearly got arrested due to the fake ID(s) being so good. It fooled the cops, so it must’ve been fairly real-looking. Fortunately my mother has several witnesses who know it wasn’t her, but she still has to appear in court and deal with her bullshit.

            • SharkWeek@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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              2 months ago

              Our circumstances are different, but it sounds like what you need is what I needed.

              It took me about 16 years to find support, and when I did it was through a charity for sex workers. Even then it took three different therapists to find one who I felt I could trust, and when I did all the rubbish I held inside came pouring out. It didn’t fix it, but it meant I could start fixing it.

              Since you’re in the healthcare equivalent of the wasteland in Mad Max, maybe the place to look is in mutual aid … support groups and charities. Just gotta watch out for the religious types poisoning the well.

              If you want you can DM me, and I’m happy to chat over Matrix or WhatsApp. I’m no therapist, but I’ve been through similar shit.

  • Chaunticleer@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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    2 months ago

    What does in mean if they all just kind of sublimated into a baseline of shittiness that I can expect from people but no longer pick a single interaction? As soon as a particular incident happens it’s just suddenly over and sitting on the pile with all the others. Like it’s never any particular words that are painful, just people. Humans are painful to be around.

    • MinnesotaGoddam@lemmy.worldEnglish
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      2 months ago

      I hate to simplify it but it just sounds like you need a little human kindness. Like a hug, high five, whatever. Will probably be in SF sometime the week of June 7th (probably going to dandelion or whatever. School year ends, doing the annual recharge) if you need a pick me up let me know. Always glad to connect with a fan of one of my favorite bands

      • Chaunticleer@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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        2 months ago

        Honestly the fact that you’d offer means a lot. I’m not in that area, but I appreciate you. (Didn’t realize Chanticleer is an a cappella group, but neat)

  • BertramDitore@lemmy.zipEnglish
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    2 months ago

    I was sitting around a picnic table with a few friends and a couple new people we didn’t know too well. Someone had the idea that the new people go around and predict something about each of us, who they had basically just met.

    One of them went around and said something super nice about each person, like “you’ll get that job you always wanted” or “you’ll have kids that will end up doing great things” stuff like that, kind of impersonal but nice generic predictions.

    When she got to me she stopped, looked at me really hard, and said “you’re going to die, sad and alone.” There was silence for a few seconds and then most of us started cracking up, because we were sure she was joking. But when we stopped laughing, I saw she hadn’t even cracked a smile, and she looked me straight in the eye and said “I’m serious.” Then moved on and said something super nice about the next person.

    This was more than 15 years ago and it hasn’t stopped bothering me. Needless to say, she and I never became friends.