I permanent marker “BUY BITCOIN” on my entire shit smelling body as many times as I can as fast as I can expecting the time stream to put me back to being 39 years old any second.

sorry that definitely didn’t happened to you op! /jk

This didn’t happen to me.

Imagine OP in the broom closet with shit-stained pants while the party’s roaring outside.

Insufficient information for meaningful answer. Are we talking full on mud volcano here, or are we talking about an unwelcome fart nugget?

For the latter, the nugget’s going in the toilet, I’m scrubbing my undies with toilet paper as best I can and then I’m leaving ASAP because I no longer trust my lower gastrointestinal tract. Yes, I’d continue to wear them. No I wouldn’t use water. I don’t like going commando and I’m not going to wear soggy undies for the sake of a nugget.

For the former, I’d probably get to and then hide in the bathroom and do whatever I could to clean myself up. Probably try not to cry. If alcohol’s involved, fail at that (though I didn’t start drinking until 18, so this is moot). Soggy clothing no longer optional.

Then I make an escape checking for any trails I might have left from ground zero to the bathroom on the return journey to the way out. I may take the coward’s way out and not claim any knowledge, but I’d be convinced that people would know it was me, and there’s a good chance I’d be right.

But I know I’d want out of there ASAP.

Depends how drunk and if I maybe have a chance with making out.

First instinct would be go to restroom, remove my underwear and throw them in the trashcan, wipe myself and use any fragrance I can find. Next grab a beer and say someone threw their dirty underwear in the bathroom trash.

Found Kaitlin Bennett’a alt account

Try to deshittify on the toilet as much as possible, then go home

Posting on social media to get help ?

But seriously, feels like a serious medical issue, talk with your doctor

Do you also need to know how to get a small cylinder unstuck from an M&Ms tube?

Take a shower and wash the pants in the shower. Shit is water-soluble, that is to say it can dissolve in water. I think there may be some oil in it but it soups wash out. What doesn’t go down the shower drain, move by hand to the toilet and wash your hands.

Now you have wet pants. In the northern hemisphere it’s still summer, so they should dry relatively quickly outside. Play it off somehow. Be the guy or gal who fell in the pool.

Declare myself Miles Davis.

Step out and sing as loudly as you can “every body and every where! Shit your pants and underwear! With a shake and a jiggle, wiggle that turd like a fiddle!”

Leave. Straight up irish goodbye. There’ll be more parties if you don’t have a rep for literally smelling like shit. Toss the underwear on the way home.

Step 1 is make sure that doesn’t happen to you.

Post on Lemmy, obviously.